Dads and their humor. Has there ever been a more classic combination? It almost seems that as soon as a man upgrades his title to “father,” his ability to create corny puns increases tenfold.

So, in honor of father’s everywhere, here’s a collection of dad jokes so bad that they’re actually funny. Try out your favorites on the kids, and you’re guaranteed a few laughs (or at least some sympathy groans).

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50 of our favorite dad jokes

  1. What’s the best kind of music to listen to when fishing? Something catchy.
  2. How did the pirate get his ship for so cheap? It was on sail.
  3. “Today my son asked me, ‘Can I have a bookmark’? I burst into tears — he’s 12 years old and still doesn’t know my name!”
  4. Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they play golf? In case they get a hole in one.
  5. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
  6. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels (bay gulls).
  7. “What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but never in a thousand years? The letter M.”
  8. What’s the best kind of bird to work for a construction company? A crane.

Gifts for Dad

  1. What did the T-Rex use to cut wood? A dino-saw.
  2. “I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out nobody thought I was fare.”
  3. What do you call a snake that loves building houses? A boa constructor.
  4. Where do fish keep their money? In a river bank.
  5. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold, hard cash.
  6. When does it rain money? When there is a change in the weather.
  7. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
  8. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.
  9. Why did the man get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.
A photo of dad jokes with three men sitting on a couch and laughing
  1. “Whoever stole my depression medication — I hope you’re happy now.”
  2. Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
  3. What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
  4. What do you call a penguin in the White House? Lost.
  5. What do you call a kangaroo’s lazy joey? A pouch potato.
  6. What did the llama say to his date? “Want to go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch.”
  7. “Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity? It’s impossible to put down.”
  8. Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
  9. Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh.
  10. What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
  11. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
  12. “Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.”
  13. “I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.”
  14. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  15. What do you call a factory that makes OK products? A satisfactory.
  16. What did the janitor say when he jumped out the closet? “Supplies!”
A photo of dad jokes with a dad telling his on a joke
  1. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? “Bison!”
  2. “I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus, but geometry is where I draw the line.”
  3. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
  4. What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
  5. What has five toes and isn’t your foot? My foot.
  6. What did the cannibal choose as his last meal? Five Guys.
  7. Me: “Go to bed, the cows are already asleep in the field.” Son: “So what?” Me: “It’s pasture bedtime.”
  8. What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Philippe Philoppe.
  9. “I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.”
  10. Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was out standing in his field.
  11. What do you get if you cross an angry sheep with a moody cow? An animal that’s in a baaaaad mooood.
  12. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! Buildings can’t jump.
  13. What did the sink tell the toilet? “You look flushed.”
  14. What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
  15. “I saw a 1,000-year-old oil stain; it was from ancient Greece.”
  16. “My extra winter weight is finally gone. Now, I have spring rolls.”

And finally…

  1. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

Gifts for Dad


Lydia Noyes specializes in content creation related to environmental topics, homesteading, organic gardening, health, fitness, and nutrition. Her online writing is featured in hundreds of articles for brands and publications within the health and wellness industry, including the popular gardening website, Rural Sprout.

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