Dads and their humor. Has there ever been a more classic combination? It almost seems that as soon as a man upgrades his title to “father,” his ability to create corny puns increases tenfold.
So, in honor of father’s everywhere, here’s a collection of dad jokes so bad that they’re actually funny. Try out your favorites on the kids, and you’re guaranteed a few laughs (or at least some sympathy groans).
50 of our favorite dad jokes
- What’s the best kind of music to listen to when fishing? Something catchy.
- How did the pirate get his ship for so cheap? It was on sail.
- “Today my son asked me, ‘Can I have a bookmark’? I burst into tears — he’s 12 years old and still doesn’t know my name!”
- Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they play golf? In case they get a hole in one.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
- Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels (bay gulls).
- “What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but never in a thousand years? The letter M.”
- What’s the best kind of bird to work for a construction company? A crane.
Gifts for Dad
- What did the T-Rex use to cut wood? A dino-saw.
- “I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out nobody thought I was fare.”
- What do you call a snake that loves building houses? A boa constructor.
- Where do fish keep their money? In a river bank.
- Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold, hard cash.
- When does it rain money? When there is a change in the weather.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
- What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.
- Why did the man get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.
- “Whoever stole my depression medication — I hope you’re happy now.”
- Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
- What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
- What do you call a penguin in the White House? Lost.
- What do you call a kangaroo’s lazy joey? A pouch potato.
- What did the llama say to his date? “Want to go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch.”
- “Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity? It’s impossible to put down.”
- Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
- Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh.
- What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- “Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.”
- “I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.”
- How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
- What do you call a factory that makes OK products? A satisfactory.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out the closet? “Supplies!”
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? “Bison!”
- “I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus, but geometry is where I draw the line.”
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
- What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
- What has five toes and isn’t your foot? My foot.
- What did the cannibal choose as his last meal? Five Guys.
- Me: “Go to bed, the cows are already asleep in the field.” Son: “So what?” Me: “It’s pasture bedtime.”
- What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Philippe Philoppe.
- “I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.”
- Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was out standing in his field.
- What do you get if you cross an angry sheep with a moody cow? An animal that’s in a baaaaad mooood.
- Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! Buildings can’t jump.
- What did the sink tell the toilet? “You look flushed.”
- What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
- “I saw a 1,000-year-old oil stain; it was from ancient Greece.”
- “My extra winter weight is finally gone. Now, I have spring rolls.”
And finally…
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
