Dads and their humor. Cringeworthy, am I right? It almost seems that as soon as a man becomes a father, his ability to create corny, hackneyed puns increases tenfold.
But these jokes may actually be good for his kids, and all kids. A study found that dad jokes, which are embarrassing, can help children build stamina when dealing with embarrassment as they grow into adults, resulting in being comfortable with who they are.
So, in honor of father’s everywhere, here’s a collection of dad jokes so bad that they’re actually funny. Try out your favorites on the kids. Caveat: You may get only some laughs, but we can guarantee lots of eye rolls.
80 of our favorite dad jokes
- Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
- My neighbor gave me a new roof for free. He said it was on the house.
- Did you hear about the teenager who failed his driving test? He thought it was a crash course.
- Where do surfers learn to surf? At boarding school.
- A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
- What has a spine but no bones? A book.
- What do you call a wizard who’s good with ceramics? Harry Pottery.
- Why did Marie Curie stop dating that guy? There was no chemistry.
- Did you hear about the nurse who didn’t want to become a doctor? She didn’t have the patients.
- Why did the tourist feel disappointed upon seeing the Liberty Bell? It wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
- How did Vikings communicate with one another? By Norse code.
- How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity? He was shocked!
- Which is the worst sport to play? Bad-minton.
- Why don’t the other farm animals like playing basketball with pigs? They’re ball hogs.
- How do ghosts stay in shape? They exorcise.
- What do rabbits need after getting caught in the rain? A hare dryer.
- Why did the coach put the frog in the outfield? He’s really good at catching flies.
- What board game is popular in Prague? Czechers.
- What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
- Why didn’t the invisible man go to the dance? He didn’t have any body to take.
- “’Dad, did you get a haircut?’. ‘No, I got them all cut!'”
- What did one candle say to the other? Do you want to go out tonight?
- Why did the bed wear a disguise? It was undercover.
- What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
Gifts for Dad
- What do you call a monster with a high IQ? Frank-Einstein.
- Why was the Incredible Hulk so good at gardening? He had a green thumb.
- What kind of music does a boulder like? Rock ‘n’ roll.
- Why did the elephant quit his job? He was working for peanuts.
- What did the shovel say to the sand? “I really dig you!”
- What are the least expensive type of teeth? Buck teeth.
- What would happen if you threw all the books in the ocean? It would cause a title wave.
- Why did the queen go to the dentist? To get crowns on her teeth.
- What’s the best kind of music to listen to when fishing? Something catchy.
- How did the pirate get his ship for so cheap? It was on sail.
- “Today my son asked me, ‘Can I have a bookmark’? I burst into tears — he’s 12 years old and still doesn’t know my name!”
- Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they play golf? In case they get a hole in one.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
- Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels (bay gulls).
- What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but never in a thousand years? The letter M.
- What’s the best kind of bird to work for at a construction company? A crane.
- What did the T-Rex use to cut wood? A dino-saw.
- “I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out nobody thought I was fare.”
- What do you call a snake that loves building houses? A boa constructor.
- Where do fish keep their money? In a river bank.
- Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold, hard cash.
- When does it rain money? When there is a change in the weather.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
- What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.
- Why did the man get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.
- “Whoever stole my depression medication — I hope you’re happy now.”
- Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
- What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
- What do you call a penguin in the White House? Lost.
- What do you call a kangaroo’s lazy joey? A pouch potato.
- What did the llama say to his date? “Want to go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch.”
- “Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity? It’s impossible to put down.”
- Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
- Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh.
- What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
- Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
- “I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.”
- How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
- What do you call a factory that makes OK products? A satisfactory.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out the closet? “Supplies!”
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? “Bison!”
- “I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus, but geometry is where I draw the line.”
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
- What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
- What has five toes and isn’t your foot? My foot.
- What did the cannibal choose as his last meal? Five Guys.
- Me: “Go to bed, the cows are already asleep in the field.” Son: “So what?” Me: “It’s pasture bedtime.”
- What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Philippe Philoppe.
- “I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.”
- Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What do you get if you cross an angry sheep with a moody cow? An animal that’s in a baaaaad mooood.
- Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! Buildings can’t jump.
- What did the sink tell the toilet? “You look flushed.”
- What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
- “My extra winter weight is finally gone. Now, I have spring rolls.”
And finally…
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
